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College

A List of Thank You’s To the People Who Helped Shape Me Into The Person I Am Today.

Tomorrow is the day, I pack up the life I know now and begin a new journey in the next chapter of my life called college. I have so many emotions going through my body currently and I couldn’t describe just one I’m feeling right now. But I do know that I am very thankful for every lesson, laugh, and hardship that brought me here to this very moment.

As excited as I am to move into my new dorm and meet my new roomie (hi Kylie!) I can’t help but be saddened a little by the fact that this is the last day I will be a “kid”.  All the memories that fill my house now will soon be replaced by new ones, in a new room, in a new place and although I will always have those memories it just won’t quite be the same feeling as it is now.  So…

To my childhood best friend ally and the hours we spent playing house or Barbie’s in my room, thank you. You will always be a part of me and although we grew apart as time went on and we grew up, I will always remember my first best friend and the memories we made as kids together.

To my dad- Thank you for taking me in and calling me your own from the moment I met you.  I can’t imagine what that was like knowing you were taking on a package deal when you met my mom, but I’m thankful that my charm and my mom’s looks helped win you over into loving us (kidding). About 65% of who I am is because of you, and even though I could tell you wanted to pull your hair out because of me some days while I was growing up, I’m thankful you never gave up on me and pushed me to be the person I am becoming today. I am so grateful to have you as my dad and as I leave for college I will take with me all your cooking lessons and lectures (sometimes I did listen, believe it or not) and cherish and use them in the real world.

to my momma- I know I argued with you a lot and rolled my eyes during my teen years with you but I’m so thankful you still loved me through all of it. How lucky did I get to have a mom and a best friend all in one person, I always tell people that God knew what he was doing the moment he decided I was going to be yours because of how special our relationship is. Thank you for raising me right and helping me grow into the young women I am today it’s your advice and lessons that helped me become the person I am today.

To my first love- oh wow, gosh it has been years since we last spoke but believe it or not you were the first person in my life that taught me how to grow by leaving. Yes, we were so young and it wasn’t going to last anyways but deep down my 14-year-old heart really hoped we would last back then. I was so young when you hurt me but it was the first time I ever learned to grow and become a new person without you. So thank you for that because you were a stepping stone of who I needed to be and who I was becoming. Hope all is well.

to my best friend(s) from high school- The saying friends can break your heart too couldn’t be truer and I put the “s” in parenthesis because not all of you made it to the end of my high school career. Some of you just grew apart with me because of time and distance but some of you did things that are unforgettable but hopefully forgivable one day.  But each and every one of you helped contribute a part of who I am and who I was in high school and now. To the friends, I still talk to now or I grew away from because of distance, thank you for the laughs and countless nights of unforgettable memories, we all were growing up and trying to find ourselves in high school and we were all doing it together. Through the heartbreaks and the Friday night lights and the first times for everything you guys were my people I went to through it all and because of that I will never forget you nor could I because you will always be apart of me no matter how much I grow.

to my best friend who didn’t make it- You get your own paragraph away from everyone else, not because you deserve it but because you were a huge reason I was forced to grow up.  What you did was unforgettable and I say hopefully forgivable because I do not want to live my life in hatred or fear of you. I will never forget that night nor will I forget the emptiness & numbness that filled my body the moment it was over. I will never forget sitting on my shower floor not be able to move because I felt paralyzed and stuck there and when I could bring myself to move again I will never forget how hard I tried to scrub the feeling of you on me off my body.

But no matter how hard I tried I still felt dirty and the feeling of your body forced upon mine did not leave and I spent three hours in the shower that night trying to remove you. Your demands of trying to keep me quiet haunted me at night and for a while, I almost believed that I deserved it because I didn’t fight hard enough to say no. But no is no and it always will be no and I will never forget that night but because of that night, I was forced to grow up a little bit more than I already had. But I came out alright in the end and I made something of myself and I wasn’t just another statistic and another girl that this happened to. I was a fighter and I am still a believer in good people and good in this world, you just don’t happen to be one of them. But I do believe people can change and I hope for the sake of all the other women in this world that you do change and stumble across this and learn from it.

to my first real heartbreak-  My first love is very different from my first heartbreak because the two of them don’t even compare to each other. You taught me so much about myself and out of all these people you probably made me grow the most. You taught me what it really felt like to truly love somebody and I am so lucky I had the chance to love you, but I have folded up the pages of the days I spent with you and tucked them away for a rainy day. But you will always apart of me and even through my worst days without you, it was still all worth it. You and I  live very different lives apart now and we understand why this happened the way it did, but somewhere deep down you will always be there with me as I hope I am with you. You will always be the first boy who ever really broke my heart, but that’s not a bad thing because if we hadn’t said goodbye I wouldn’t know who I am or what I wanted and that’s what taught me to grow as a person. So things happen for a reason and I get that now and wherever you are and whatever you’re doing, I hope you always remember me the way I remember you at 17 and life is treating you well.

 

xo,

el

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The new and improved Carrie Bradshaw in the making. (or so I'd like to think) I love pasta and my two cats: leo & fuzzybuckets and a glass of wine a day. xo

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